Middle School Chicken Humor

Current Count: 141 eggs

One of my friends who's a middle school administrator sent this to me via the inner-district mail:



Apparently, one of the seventh grade boys drew this in art. As the class was getting ready to leave he walked up to a girl and said, "Hey, you wanna see my cock?" Then he flashed this picture....he, he, he.

Don't get me wrong. An administrator in that situation has to take some kind of disciplinary action. It was totally inappropriate and he needs to receive a consequence, but really now, that's funny. Having to issue a consequence for that kind of double entendre humor (and it happens all the time) is always a source of inner conflict for me. I do it, but secretly I want say to kids, "Don't lose that irreverence. The ability to amuse yourself with your own wit can make for a very satisfying life." I can't imagine the Hell that would break loose on my campus if I ever actually did that. Yikes!

Stories like that are one of the reasons I loved working at the middle school level. The kids are so unpredictable they constantly do things that are both shocking and hilarious, piercing their own tongue in the girls' bathroom or playing tag with dry ice in their science class. More than once I've had to send students out of my office because their decision making has completely caught me off guard and I'm on the verge of laughing out loud.

They are also prone to making decisions that can severely limit their future options. It's one of the great stressors of the job. A kid's bad decison, a set of angry/upset/devastated parents, law enforcement and a school context is a really hard combination. In fact, I think I would say that being a middle school vice principal is the hardest job I've done yet in education. It came with a lot of joy and professional satisfaction, but it sure did raise my blood pressure.

Chicken emergency #2

Current count: 130 eggs

Things continue to go well with the little chickens and the big chickens, and yesterday was the first day they let themselves out of the garden area. It was cute, but it did result in another chicken emergency phone call from T.

I was at dinner in Woodland with some folks I used to work with when my phone rang. It was home. I stepped outside and answered to hear T. breathing heavily on the other end. "When are you coming home?" he asked.

I said, "I don't know. What's up?"

"Do you think it will be before dark?" Now, I have to say that my first response was to ask whether he was worried about vampires, but I didn't because I could imagine he wouldn't find that nearly as amusing as I did. That turned out to be a good choice.

"Probably. Why?"

"Because all four of the chickens are out and they're running all over the yard and they won't go back inside." If you think about it, that's a pretty funny picture...four chickens of varying sizes taking evasive maneuvers in the backyard while a full grown adult chases them back and forth. The only thing missing is carnival music

"All four are out? Oh, that's great! The little ones are finally getting big enough to hang out with the big ones." As it turned out, that wasn't really the right thing to say either.

"Yeah, well, it's not so cute right now. I'm leaving them out and if they get eaten because it gets dark..." The implication was clear. My failure to return home before dark would certainly doom the chickens to a frightening and painful death and I would have no one to blame but myself. The sunshine (and fresh eggs) would depart from our lives, and it would all be because I was eating sushi and yukking it up with my friends in Woodland.

Ordinarily, I might have taken the bait and pointed out that human beings have been raising chickens for thousands of years so perhaps the wrong technique had been used. In fact, wouldn't it be worse if the chickens were savaged by a wild beast while someone was home who had just given up on making them safe, thereby assuming complete responsibility for loss of life and limb. The thing is, I still had sushi to eat, so I had to take full responsibility for the impending disaster.

"OK," I said, "I'll make sure I get home early enough to get them in before the chicken vampires come out." I just couldn't let the vampire thing go, plus I had to get in a little something. Overall, a very satisfying finish to the conversation. And anyway, it was still early and it's almost May in NorCal. It wasn't going to get dark until 7:50.

"OK. See you when you get home."

There are a couple different ways this story has a happy ending. First, there was still sushi left, and I got to eat it. Second, when I got home, T. had already managed to get #2 and #3 in. Only the little ones were out, and they were pretty easy to get put away. Finally, and perhaps best for all concerned, nobody was eaten or pulled limb from limb by night creatures.


In other news, I've been meaning to link to a couple things for a while so here they are. I spend a lot of time on a highly addictive trivia quiz site called Sporcle.com. These particular quizzes are in keeping with the blog theme, so I thought I'd give folks a shot at them. The first one is a sort of chicken geography quiz. This one is even more egg-citing!

Meet and Greet

Current count: 115 eggs

We went to Long Beach for the weekend, and the chickens both big and small, were fine. They've now had several opportunities to be together in the yard, and the big ones hardly even seem to notice the little ones. They're certainly not attacking them, which is what I was worried would happen. In this picture, the little ones are in the upper left corner. Neither of them is facing the camera, but I don't think it's because they're shy.


I walked out the back door and caught #2 in the dog crate earlier today. Again, she wasn't even paying attention to them, but it did look like #4 and #5 were both a little overwhelmed by the whole things. #2 got out when I told her to, but she did look like she's now developed a taste for the chick start. As far as I can tell, she won't suffer any ill effects from eating it, but I do want to make sure the little ones get everything they need.

Just As I Feared

Current Count: 101 eggs

It's a little unbelievable to me that we've already passed the 100 egg mark since the first post back in December. They just keep laying away. If we did have a rooster, we could make our flock huge in no time at all. Keep in mind, I'm not all interested in doing that...unless society actually collapses.

In other news, we went to Dallas for a week to visit T.'s brother. It was a fun trip, got to meet a friend of his who was also out visiting (but from South Carolina). I can't wait to get the pictures. While we were there, I read No Country for Old Men by Cormac McCarthy...brutal and dark, but I did find it to be beautifully written.

Anyway, when we returned, I was walking around the house and discovered:

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGH!

I knew this would happen eventually...the straw would wind up getting everywhere it possibly could and completely take over our lives. We're totally happy to be part of the ecosystem, providing birds and animals places to eat, drink, and raise their young. I'm sure the birds in this particular case thought they had hit the jackpot when they discovered the straw, but I have to draw the line somewhere and this is it. Besides being a little too Beverly Hillbillies, it feels like a fire hazard. It's coming down.

In addition, it appears the rainy season is pretty much over for a while (not good news for our reservoirs in NorCal) so we went ahead and raked all the hay out of the coop, revealing the earth again. It appears to have weathered the winter just fine, so we're giving it a chance to to dry out.

We've also moved the little chickens out to the garden area where the big chickens started about a year ago. They're hanging out in their crate and having supervised time outside. It's a pretty good gig for them. They appear to like it better than being in the garage all the time.

Welcome home, little ones

Current count: 88 eggs

The two newest additions came home today. Towards the end of the day a couple of second grade teachers brought them to me all boxed up and ready to go. The chicks did a home visit with me, accompanied me on a visit to a friend's new baby, and went to the gym. Needless to say, it was a full day for them.

We resurrected the dog crate that #1, #2, and #3 grew up in. It's a little weatherbeaten but certainly functional. The cedar chips are long gone, but I gave them some of the ever-present straw and set them up in the garage. I'm fairly certain that I've now given the straw an entry into the house....grrrr. It won't be long before I'm finding it in bed.

They're still split between fuzzy and feathered. Take a look:


This was taken shortly after we transferred them from the box to the crate. I was a little worried about them when I first got them home because of the extended ride home, but they seem to have bounced back from the trip. Last time I checked they were making the little happy chicken noises to each other.

From Chickens to Sheep

Current count: 85 eggs

It looks like the new chicks are ready to come home, so we'll probably bring them home this week. I still have to set up the dog crate because they can't go out with the big girls until they have feathers. Even then, we'll have to figure out how to introduce them so that #2 and #3 aren't beating them up all the time.

While I was web surfing today, I discovered this. It's sheep and herding dogs, not chickens, but it's still worth watching. I hope you enjoy it.

The New Arrivals

Current count: 80 eggs

I don't usually post unless I get another egg, but one of the second grade teachers just sent me these pictures of our new chickens, so I had to share. Check them out: